Y .Tuesday, May 09, 2006.
Mood Swings.
Happiness. Sadness. Anxiety. Despair. Love. Hatred. Life. Death. Hope.
Who could've thought I would feel all of this in a day? I never thought of this myself. On this day.
Hopefully some of you can relate to me, else I'd be thinking I'm insane. O_O
Hours ago I was with my friends, making fun while studying for our Pharmacology quiz (Mind you, memorizing drug names, their classifications, and their actions can be really freaky, especially if you're going to study them for only 30 minutes). For one, we can't really concentrate if all of us are sitting quietly while reading. It's more of a group study, but a bit wackier. You might think we won't be picking much from what we've reviewed. Wrong! It's better to have fun while studying.
Now where was I? Oh yeah, happiness. After some time I left the table to write the important facts on the board. I looked back at them. I dunno what struck me to think like this, but when I was staring at them for quite some time, I realized: they're having so much fun together. Nothing wrong with that, right? No. That time, I was thinking... "They're having so much fun together... even without me." Sadness.
What would the world be without me? I've never made much change in the society I live in. It seems like I wake up everyday, go to school, live my life like every other person does, but for what? I've been thinking really hard back then... I haven't found my real purpose of living.
Am I to live for others or for myself alone? I've thought for moments by the time the classes ended [thank you dad, for making me wait for almost an hour]. I've thought that for one thing, the world is a interactive dimension; a vast field wherein for every move you make can make a significant change to the way things go. Every unit in this dimension is important, without one of them, things can go very differently, more different than anyone can think it would be.
So what would happen if I didn't exist? I have no idea. But one thing's certain, if I didn't exist, I would never experience how good it feels to be alive. The feeling of being alive alone is a blessing for me. What more if I've met the people who made me as I am? So maybe I'm making a change for others as well.
Silence.
