Why the hell did I do that? I thought it would be for the better, but only more than seven hours have passed and I already feel more than devastated. I tried to smile, but the tears just won't stop. For the first time, I felt I've lost the half of me. This pain... it's way different than the last time.

I feel guilty... I did things too suddenly that it took me this long for the impact to sink into my head. I shouldn't have done that... but I realized, it's too late. I feel like I'm the worst person alive, no... I'm worse than the devil itself.

I want to be hated. That time, I'm sure he was crying. But I can't share the sadness with him when that happened. I can't react the way I should. I couldn't do anything... but laugh. Yeah, I was laughing when we broke up... I had no other choice. I had to say mean and stupid words just to make me feel better. But then I realized... I've been selfish... again.

Selfishness... I guess nobody could escape that. I've been a big jerk when I thought I could become less than that... but I can't. Selfish... I already miss being one. If only I could turn things back, I wish to be one again.